» Thoughts Of The Abandoned, A pshycological SS By MoSM

Thoughts of The Abandoned

Why do they keep telling me everything´s all right? How can they know, when they do not even live in this screwed world of mine? Where I see rain, they feel sunshine… so how can they possibly call me lucky? Would they be able to live, knowing they were a simple mistake? Would they not feel this horrible lack of purpose?
Even if they would not, it would still hurt me. Because that would mean I am not just wrong, but also would I be mistaken. That… is unbearable.

But that´s life. To me, at least. I am not worthy of their attention; that is only something they imagine. They try to make me feel well, as if I didn´t know it? Their true purpose, they don´t care about me at all. I am just an… object. Yes, that´s what I am to them.

Yes, unbearable… that´s me.

Sometimes, I wonder… is there no hope? Is it not said that you decide your own destiny, that you will get what you deserve, that lighter times will always show up?
Not for me, of course. Those kinds of things were never directed to my kind.

My kind… that is me. Not only am I wrong, heavily and painfully ignored, and possibly mistaken… I´m also lonely. And also, I am unbelievably pessimistic. Why is that? Being alone isn´t necessarily the same as being lonely. Even if the rain is falling outside, my thoughts are still uninfluenced of that. I could walk a hundred miles, if only my sanity would keep itself by my side.

My sanity… it is still there? If so, it is all I have left. Everything else… abandoned me. True, they say they appreciate me, but what good have I ever done to them? I doubt they truthfully wish my presence… they will be happy of me leaving.

But what am I? I forgot. I know that I´m the only one of my kind… One of a kind… and that I am not bound by a certain destiny... Free. And I seem to make people happy, just by being there.

That doesn´t sound very bad, actually. I think I might want to reconsider myself.

Again.

~MOSM~

... That was very hard to understand. Why? I don't know. I know I have written stories about rambling and stuff like that, but this seemed to have no flow to it, no general idea.

I don´t think it really has to have a story. Sometimes, descriptions of feelings are enough.

~MOSM~